Some days are harder than others...

like today and yesterday for example... sometimes one can hardly smile pleasantly at the repeated fussing of my own child over breakfast (what exactly does he want, anyways?!), the miscommunications with my spouse.   To name a couple of things that tipped the scale of coping into outburst...

    Then, I disciplined my two year old son for not saying "thank you".  


Hmmm... 


     That was eye -opener to me, and a moment of clarity- that's what God does for me, because He loves me, He wants me to live in gratitude to Him, so that I can experience an abundant life.  He disciplines me (trains me) to say "thank you" in the hard moments of life, so that I remember that I'm not in control, that He IS.  Even the Son of God did this at the last supper (Luke 22:19).

Just like I want for my son.  I want him to appreciate those around him, to not take for granted the good things in life and those that do good for him.  I want him to know God, and to know his need for the Savior, to know hope.
    I've been reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp over the past 4 months, and it has helped me to be more aware of this practice of gratitude to God and how that affects my heart, daily and especially when I see, share, and experience deep heartache and loss.
   Like cancer, death of a child, loss of a dream home, the unpleasant reality of working for money, sexual abuse, difficult work dynamics (again), lost friendships, change, marriage struggles, even disciplining a child...
   Or maybe even gratitude when the coffee spills in the car again, you can never get on top of that to do list, you can't seem to measure up or do enough, your heart hurts over how things could be "if only"...

   I am finding that stopping to really think about what I can be grateful for in my own life really helps my perspective- sometimes you have to look hard and deep and take time.
     Sometimes that time allows you to really grieve over what is not, and to be brought to a place of joy, deep- seated in the Savior and not of this world.  Sometimes, it takes that hurt, and allows you to see Truth, not denying the pain of it, but acknowledging it, and then making it into something that is beautiful, and gives strength and glory. (Ephesians 1:3-14; Philippians 4:6, 7)
   (Preaching to the choir!)

  

Coming Home... Again...

Tomorrow Joe and I end a month or three of traveling, starting with our move from Phoenix to Kansas, and ending with a Disney trip.  I'm exhausted and so is he, and Rod misses us both.  Joe's behavior and mine both demonstrate we miss Husband and Daddy too!

   While our travels and adventures have been fantastic and filled with wonderful treasured moments with family and friends, we're ready to come home.  And now, home has a different meaning:

    Living near family, rather than making all new relationships.  Green grass for Strider and multiple house levels for the two cats.  Finding a new church, perhaps for the next 20 years of our lives.  Saving money for retirement, and our children's college.  Making long- term friends.  Getting involved in the community (perhaps the Riverside Neighborhood Association, the one state orphanage, Central College, volunteering in the NICU, an exercise group, playgroups, the museums).  Putting pictures on the walls.  Renovating a house.  Celebrating birthdays with cousins.  Caring for grandparents and parents.  Presence with family in times of celebration and need instead of just wishing I could be there.


   I'm glad to be going home, yet also incredibly glad for all the places we've been, the people we've met, the things we've done the past two years.  Virginia to Finland to Pennsylvania to Phoenix to Kansas... and amazing new friends, faithful churches, beautiful country, and many adventures in between, along with a lot of stress!!!
    Tonight Joe and I settled into a fantastic hotel room at the Orlando airport and enjoyed a dinner with just the two of us.  He made up for his unstable behavior the past two days (thanks Ruth and Greg for enduring!) by being absolutely perfect.  He played with the wooden airplane that held crayons at the restaurant table, taking it from the place-mat "tarmac" to the runway, to the elevator (my hand), to the hangar.  When we got back to the hotel room, he played "check-in" (to the hotel/ car return).
   I was struck that this son of ours has traveled the world, and he just might stay a world traveler (and part of me hopes he does, just so I have an excuse to travel to new cultures and places) and that I won't have this little boy forever, he'll grow to be a man.
   I hope he never grows out of throwing his arms around my neck and saying "Mommy's here!  Mommy's home (with me)!".
     As for me, I look forward to going home to have our little family together again for at least a month!  And, my heart is reminded that my eternal home is not here on this earth, but with my Savior.  The more I grow, the more life I experience, the more I long for Heaven and for those I love everywhere to be there with me and with the One who gives us Home!!

My sister in law, Jess, Joe and I on the drive from AZ to KS

Home in KS on the Arkansas River with Rod and Joe

Joe on the first annual Lemmons Family vacation in AR with Uncle Ben and cousin Josie

Playing with cousins Gabe, Caris, and Josie

Rod's truck hit 100000 miles at Coronado Heights, KS

Meeting Kirsten in FL, with my favorite mother in law, Millie

Hogwarts at Universal Studio with niece Hilda and Mollie

Ruth and I on the University of Florida campus lake, with an alligator in the background!!

Yes, folks, that's a baby alligator!!  Just below the pedestrian bridge we were on, only 4 feet away!

Joe playing "check in" at our final stop, the Hyatt at the Orlando airport.

The Magic Kingdom with Uncle Peter, cousin Hilda, Mollie, and Joe