Some days are harder than others...

like today and yesterday for example... sometimes one can hardly smile pleasantly at the repeated fussing of my own child over breakfast (what exactly does he want, anyways?!), the miscommunications with my spouse.   To name a couple of things that tipped the scale of coping into outburst...

    Then, I disciplined my two year old son for not saying "thank you".  


Hmmm... 


     That was eye -opener to me, and a moment of clarity- that's what God does for me, because He loves me, He wants me to live in gratitude to Him, so that I can experience an abundant life.  He disciplines me (trains me) to say "thank you" in the hard moments of life, so that I remember that I'm not in control, that He IS.  Even the Son of God did this at the last supper (Luke 22:19).

Just like I want for my son.  I want him to appreciate those around him, to not take for granted the good things in life and those that do good for him.  I want him to know God, and to know his need for the Savior, to know hope.
    I've been reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp over the past 4 months, and it has helped me to be more aware of this practice of gratitude to God and how that affects my heart, daily and especially when I see, share, and experience deep heartache and loss.
   Like cancer, death of a child, loss of a dream home, the unpleasant reality of working for money, sexual abuse, difficult work dynamics (again), lost friendships, change, marriage struggles, even disciplining a child...
   Or maybe even gratitude when the coffee spills in the car again, you can never get on top of that to do list, you can't seem to measure up or do enough, your heart hurts over how things could be "if only"...

   I am finding that stopping to really think about what I can be grateful for in my own life really helps my perspective- sometimes you have to look hard and deep and take time.
     Sometimes that time allows you to really grieve over what is not, and to be brought to a place of joy, deep- seated in the Savior and not of this world.  Sometimes, it takes that hurt, and allows you to see Truth, not denying the pain of it, but acknowledging it, and then making it into something that is beautiful, and gives strength and glory. (Ephesians 1:3-14; Philippians 4:6, 7)
   (Preaching to the choir!)

  

Coming Home... Again...

Tomorrow Joe and I end a month or three of traveling, starting with our move from Phoenix to Kansas, and ending with a Disney trip.  I'm exhausted and so is he, and Rod misses us both.  Joe's behavior and mine both demonstrate we miss Husband and Daddy too!

   While our travels and adventures have been fantastic and filled with wonderful treasured moments with family and friends, we're ready to come home.  And now, home has a different meaning:

    Living near family, rather than making all new relationships.  Green grass for Strider and multiple house levels for the two cats.  Finding a new church, perhaps for the next 20 years of our lives.  Saving money for retirement, and our children's college.  Making long- term friends.  Getting involved in the community (perhaps the Riverside Neighborhood Association, the one state orphanage, Central College, volunteering in the NICU, an exercise group, playgroups, the museums).  Putting pictures on the walls.  Renovating a house.  Celebrating birthdays with cousins.  Caring for grandparents and parents.  Presence with family in times of celebration and need instead of just wishing I could be there.


   I'm glad to be going home, yet also incredibly glad for all the places we've been, the people we've met, the things we've done the past two years.  Virginia to Finland to Pennsylvania to Phoenix to Kansas... and amazing new friends, faithful churches, beautiful country, and many adventures in between, along with a lot of stress!!!
    Tonight Joe and I settled into a fantastic hotel room at the Orlando airport and enjoyed a dinner with just the two of us.  He made up for his unstable behavior the past two days (thanks Ruth and Greg for enduring!) by being absolutely perfect.  He played with the wooden airplane that held crayons at the restaurant table, taking it from the place-mat "tarmac" to the runway, to the elevator (my hand), to the hangar.  When we got back to the hotel room, he played "check-in" (to the hotel/ car return).
   I was struck that this son of ours has traveled the world, and he just might stay a world traveler (and part of me hopes he does, just so I have an excuse to travel to new cultures and places) and that I won't have this little boy forever, he'll grow to be a man.
   I hope he never grows out of throwing his arms around my neck and saying "Mommy's here!  Mommy's home (with me)!".
     As for me, I look forward to going home to have our little family together again for at least a month!  And, my heart is reminded that my eternal home is not here on this earth, but with my Savior.  The more I grow, the more life I experience, the more I long for Heaven and for those I love everywhere to be there with me and with the One who gives us Home!!

My sister in law, Jess, Joe and I on the drive from AZ to KS

Home in KS on the Arkansas River with Rod and Joe

Joe on the first annual Lemmons Family vacation in AR with Uncle Ben and cousin Josie

Playing with cousins Gabe, Caris, and Josie

Rod's truck hit 100000 miles at Coronado Heights, KS

Meeting Kirsten in FL, with my favorite mother in law, Millie

Hogwarts at Universal Studio with niece Hilda and Mollie

Ruth and I on the University of Florida campus lake, with an alligator in the background!!

Yes, folks, that's a baby alligator!!  Just below the pedestrian bridge we were on, only 4 feet away!

Joe playing "check in" at our final stop, the Hyatt at the Orlando airport.

The Magic Kingdom with Uncle Peter, cousin Hilda, Mollie, and Joe

A dose of real reality in February...

   It seems that the learning never stops.  I thought I was done with school, but I can tell you that I study more now than I ever have.  I think it's true that the older one gets, the more one realizes what they do not know.  The difference now is that my tutors are my 19 month old son and my husband of 7.5 years, along with a panel that rotates between various other family members and friends.  Thankfully, my Teacher is full of grace and love beyond measure, although very rigorous and with an unbending standard!
   This said, I am incredibly grateful for my life and loves.  I am learning to appreciate and enjoy them even when life (and life for those dear to me) is hard.  Even when Rod and I struggle together, my friend's children die prematurely, a too- young friend has a mysterious and sudden illness, when "tomorrow" seems really far away, my family is discouraged, my son has a cold, and I'm tired and weary.
   My new perspective has been coming from some interesting places- John 9-12.  I am really loving these passages, and gleaning more from them than I ever have.  I really almost feel as if I am there, following Jesus as a disciple (and, am I not, actually?).  These are the verses that are imprinted on my heart;

 "Neither this man nor his parents have sinned", said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life".  John 9:3 (speaking of the blind man that Jesus heals later on)

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand.  I and the Father are one.'' 

John 10:27- 30

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.  Do you believe this?" John 11:25, 26 (Jesus speaking to Martha when first seeing her after her brother Lazarus' death)

"The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.  Whoever serves me must follow me; and wherever I am, my servant also will be.  My Father will honor the one who serves me."  John 12:25, 26

    I am the blind man who needs healing, I have dear ones who have suffered terribly in this life and need an answer.  I am the stupid sheep, too short- sighted to see the cliff and lions, needing a good Shepherd.  I am Martha, grieving the unfair death of my brother.  I am Mary, filled with spontaneous un-self- conscious worship and thanksgiving for my Savior.  I am Judas, asking questions with only my wants in mind, but with a desperate longing for Saving Truth and Grace.  I am a disciple, trying to understand reality.  

      This is it- "that the work of God might be displayed" - the renown of God- our highest purpose and joy and fulfillment- when God is most glorified and when we, enjoying Him, live our fulfilled purpose, filled with inexpressible joy and hope, enduring.  Living our normal day- to- day lives, but knowing that even as we do so, there is a deeper reality simultaneously.

    Rod said to Joe today when he was playing chase with him- "I got you, I got you, and I'm not gonna let you go!"  I think that Jesus and the Father say this to us- "I've got you, and I'm not gonna let you go... now you've had a taste of real life- My glory and resting in My care.  Now nothing and no one else can destroy you or take you, or satisfy you.  Come to me..."  (Isaiah 55)

   My sister Bethany said so handily today on facebook; 

I suddenly remembered real reality and my heart was so glad

Amen.

  Here are some recent pictures for your (non-related) viewing pleasure!  

The cat keeping a close eye on Joe as he plays on his car outside the door- he is turning into a fearless climber!

Learning to draw with Daddy this weekend... Joe has recently discovered the joys of crayons and pencils!

And, an increasingly common behavior- the "fit" otherwise known as a tantrum!  I especially like that he is looking down to see if I'm watching!  :-)

Showing off some of Joe's recent "adventuring" scars- the scrape on the forehead, a busted lip, and he also burnt his fingertips twice today- once on the waffle maker (on the countertop!), and another time on a hot dish at the lunch table!

This week is better...

              So, we had a rough week last week... it started with 5 consecutive days of whining from our 19 month old son (do I whine in front of him?).  We had a break on Wednesday, only for me to have my own emotional blow- out (unfortunately affecting the whole household as well).  Sometimes, life is just not what you want it to be.  This is what I get for week 2 of scheduling structure  with my own chores and things I want to do actually written down for me to keep track of daily.  Go figure!
          Lessons learned:

• Joe's behavior will always be changing as he grows- as one friend put it, a method for managing a certain behavior will work for weeks, and then all of a sudden it won't!
• To cut myself a break when this happens, and not just me for that matter, Rod too.  We're kind of winging this parenting thing together!
• I have an amazing husband- I mean I knew he was, but he especially showed me grace when I really didn't deserve it this week.  Not only was he nice to me personally, but he also was really helpful with Joe- disciplining him, playing with him, getting him ready for bed, etc.
• Take care of myself, take care of myself, take care of myself (nobody else can do it like I can, and I cheat myself and my family if I expect someone else to do it for me)!!  This for me includes:  enough daily time with God for me to be able to listen to Him, some at least weekly solitude, a creative/ mental outlet, enough sleep, good diet, exercise, and some friend/ family time.  
• I really love couponing, and it's actually getting easier and taking less time and energy!  And, it's really saving us money!
• It can be helpful for Joe and I to have a project to do together- like making cookies (yay- he's actually mature enough to at least half do this!!).
• I have amazing family and friends!  My SIL (sister- in- law) Jess listened to me decompress, was truthful with me, insightful, and encouraging.  My friends Jenn and Ruth did the same, and were just "there for me"!  Thanks, Ladies!!
• 45 degrees Fahrenheit with a strong northerly wind is too cold to take Joe outside for an hour- long work-out in the non- Finnish winter gear I have for him.

   Along with a few other more personal lessons that I won't detail here, I think that's a lot learned for one week!  Now for the fun part- a few photos for your enjoyment!

Joe and I made chocolate chip cookies- for the first time together (with garbanzo beans, they were quite delicious!)!

Yummy- taste test!!

Why can't I have some now?!

Mm-Mmmmmm!

Joe peeking out the kitchen window to watch Daddy, cleaning his new National Match rifle (below).

The chefs, both happy for the yummy distraction!!

VICTORY!!!

        Today was one of those fantastic days that you just know will never happen again (at least not in quite the same way or for the same reasons).    Everything just went well...
        I first made the choice to get up on time at the early hour of 5am with my husband.  The purpose of this time is to just "be" with him, preparing mentally, emotionally, spiritually for the day.  And, since he is a pretty quiet guy, extra time and quiet space together helps us to share life (for some reason, he doesn't come home with a list of things he wants to tell me each day!).  Then, not only was I up, but the coffee was just a button away, the dishes and toys had been put away the night before, and I could feel myself breathe a mental sigh of satisfaction.  It's the simple things, right?
   Joe slept in until almost 9am, allowing me to have a quiet time, actually write down my personal goals for 2011, and also to type into iCal my schedule goals.  I really am not sure why I am not able to do the things I should and even want to- I have gobs of time, and hopefully this schedule will serve as a structure to help me do those things.  No worries, lots of relaxing and tickle time included!
   I had a strenuous work- out at Stroller Strides outside in the beautiful Phoenix winter weather with our friends Merrily and Abbie, then a quick lunch with them too.  Joe was amazingly well- behaved throughout (thanks to Abbie "taking care" of him while I left him trapped in the stroller due to his wandering tendencies).

Joe and Abbie last week after Stroller Strides

   During Joe's nap, I had two lovely chats- one with my friend Jenn, and the other with my sister Grace.  Nothing quite like good girl- time!!  Joe and I did a few errands after nap (complete with petting the stuffed gorilla, panda, frog, and unicorn at Walgreens).
    Our trip to Safeway today yielded amazing savings- two beef round roasts, 4 lb of 93/7 ground chuck, large package of frozen tilapia fillets, 3 packages fresh blueberries, polenta, pretzels, brown rice, popcorn, 10 packages of various kinds of goldfish, and few other things for only $61!!  My receipt says I saved $78.43.  :-))
I really couldn't resist taking a picture, so here you go...

   On top of all of this, Joe played quite happily in the side yard (cackling when the dog caught the ball he threw mid- air) while I made a healthful dinner.  Ahhhh!   And, the MAJOR VICTORY was that Joe voluntarily ate his broccoli, garbanzo beans and tomatoes prior to inhaling all of his spaghetti (with carrots, zucchini, mushrooms, and whole grain noodles, thank you very much!)
    Lest you think that my life is always like this, read between the lines of why these things are victories... and know that Joe and Rod didn't get to see each other, and that all of us were quite sad about it.
   However, I am very grateful for this day, and while I am sure tomorrow will not be the same, I'll find things to be grateful for then as well!